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How to Let Go: True Freedom from Energy-Draining People and Situations
- Alina Shahnazari
- Feb 23
- 4 min read
Have you ever found yourself stuck in an endless loop of frustration, anger, or disappointment with someone in your life? Maybe it’s a difficult friend, a toxic family member, or even a colleague who always seems to bring unnecessary drama. No matter how much you try to set boundaries, they keep violating them. And no matter how much you tell yourself to not care, they still get under your skin.
At some point, you realize—tolerance is not strength. It is self-depletion.
But how do you actually let go? Not just on a surface level where you say, "I'm over it," but deep down, their actions, words, or presence no longer disturb your peace?
This is where true detachment comes in—the kind that gives you total freedom from the situation, not just temporary relief.
Step One: Awareness – Seeing the Situation Clearly
The first step is radical honesty with yourself. Look at the situation exactly as it is, not how you wish it to be, and certainly not how they want you to see it.
Ask yourself:
Is this person or situation nourishing my well-being, or is it draining me?
Am I constantly managing my emotions around them?
Do I feel lighter or heavier after interacting with them?
If nothing ever changed, could I continue engaging with them without resentment?
If you notice that your energy is consistently being pulled into conflict, frustration, or even the effort to "rise above it," then you’ve already received your answer. This is not a healthy exchange. This is you tolerating what is not meant to be in your life.
In pure spirituality, awareness is the moment of seeing things as they are—without emotional filters, just truth. And truth always sets you free.
Step Two: Decision – Choosing to Let Go
Once you see the situation clearly, you now have a choice. You no longer ask:"How can I make them respect my boundaries?""How can I get them to see my side?""How can I make this work?"
Instead, the real question becomes:
"Do I want to continue spending my energy here?"
And if the answer is no, then you let go.
Letting go is not about wishing them harm, nor is it about trying to "win" by cutting them off. Letting go is about recognizing that their access to your energy is simply revoked.
This means:
They no longer have the ability to disturb your peace.
They cannot create any emotional reaction in you—not anger, not sadness, not even the satisfaction of knowing they failed to hurt you.
They do not get to make you feel loved, rejected, accepted, abandoned, or validated.
You no longer engage in thoughts about them—not even thoughts of disliking them.
This is what energetic closure looks like. You are not suppressing feelings. You are neutralizing them. They simply stop existing in your emotional space.
And that’s the real freedom.
Step Three: Creating Strong Boundaries—Without Inner Conflict
A lot of people struggle with setting boundaries because they still feel the need to explain, justify, or seek approval for them. But when you have truly let go, boundaries become effortless.
You don’t need to:
🚫 Over-explain your choices.
🚫 Justify why you’re pulling away.
🚫 Feel guilty for prioritizing your peace.
A boundary is not about controlling others—it’s about controlling your access to them.
Think of it like this: If someone is standing outside your house screaming, do you:
Open the door and argue with them?
Keep looking through the window, hoping they’ll leave?
Close the curtains, lock the door, and go make yourself a cup of tea, forgetting they’re even there?
True boundaries are option three.
They are not about resistance. Resistance still ties you to them. Instead, boundaries are about energetic disconnection. They are not locked doors to keep people out; they are simply the absence of a doorway altogether.
Step Four: Detaching from the Need for Approval, Love, or Even Conflict
The final piece of letting go is this: You must release any need for validation, love, or approval from the person in question—even if that validation comes in the form of them finally realizing how much they hurt you.
This means:
You don’t need them to understand your decision.
You don’t need closure from them. Closure happens within you.
You don’t need them to acknowledge the harm they caused. That is not your responsibility.
Once you drop these attachments, something miraculous happens. They truly disappear from your consciousness. They may still exist in the physical world, but their presence no longer holds weight in your mind, heart, or energy field.
And that is ultimate freedom.
Fact-Checking This with Pure Spirituality
From a purely spiritual perspective, the principles in this approach are highly aligned with the teachings of detachment and non-attachment. However, let’s clarify a few things:
✔ What aligns with pure spirituality:
True letting go is an inner shift, not just a physical separation.
Boundaries should not be built on resistance or resentment, but on neutrality.
Releasing attachments to emotions (both positive and negative) is a form of self-mastery.
The other person is not “wrong” or “bad”—they are simply not a match for your energy.
🚫 What might not align if misunderstood:
If letting go is done with an underlying emotion of revenge or wanting them to feel your absence, then you are still energetically attached to them.
If you suppress emotions instead of processing them, it can create subconscious resistance rather than genuine freedom.
If you still seek validation from others that your boundary is justified, you are still engaging in the situation emotionally.
Final Thought: You Deserve Peace
At the end of the day, your energy is sacred. Every moment you spend in frustration, sadness, or resistance toward another person is a moment you are not spending on your own joy, growth, and fulfillment.
The highest form of letting go is not needing anything from them—not their love, their hate, their attention, or their absence.
They simply cease to exist in your emotional world.
That is total freedom. And you deserve it.
